Monday, January 11, 2010

Choose Your New Career

  What with all the uncertainty in our current economic situation, people are quite concerned about jobs. As living wage jobs disappear, more and more people are considering new employment options and re-inventing themselves into new occupations. Well, you'll be glad to know that we here at Imageholics Anonymous are doing our bit to help out. Our exhaustive research has uncovered a number of new training opportunities; most of which can be done in your own home.

Like the well-meaning relative who gives Dustin Hoffman advice in the movie "The Graduate", I have only one word for you - PLASTICS. As the ad says, all kinds of products will be made of plastics, including your car, your dishes, your clothing and even your food!

Get in the swim! There's money to be made in real estate. Send in for your free book giving advice on CDOs, no-collateral loans and how to get that sub-prime mortgage you've always wanted!

This really works! The Stradivarius I built went for 3 million dollars at Sotheby's Auction.

If you know your way around a T-Square, this job is for you.

When domestic sheep took up badminton, they put a terrible strain on America's racket supply. With this valuable skill, you can recycle that old racket instead of buying a new one. One of Obama's "Green Jobs"!

You, too can make a profit figuring out ways to automate other workers out of their jobs.

Maybe the market for bronzed baby shoes will come back.

Sure, artists don't make a lot of money, but any job where you can stare at skimpily-clad models all day sounds pretty good to me.

Learning to "mount" birds and animals sounds kinky to me!

Now here is a job skill with all kinds of possibilities. If you had only learned the "Death Touch" when you got laid off from your last job, you sure might have felt better afterwards.

When America's favorite illustrator asks you to sign up, who can say "no".

Although I'm not sure what jobs there are in this field, it sure would be fun to make your friends do embarrassing things under your suggestion.

I'm thinking of electroplating my iphone.

People must eat! Somebody has to slaughter that defenseless cow. It may as well be you.

It's interesting to note that Mr. Blakely, the Executive Director of the Acme Neon Institute has been around neon so long, his head glows!

I'd love to know how to hypnotize a whole room full of people without their knowledge - using a common household cooking ingredient.

If you thought suede was just for shoes, think again! I'm picturing it on my dashboard.

Putting each potato chip through a wringer to squeeze out the grease sounds kind of time-consuming to me.

Join the long line of upholsterers who have left their mark on America's living rooms.

Just think, all those times I have given backrubs, I was practicing Physiotherapy! I probably could have talked a lot more women into it if they knew I was a licensed physiotherapist.

Forget those time-consuming classes at your local community college. This home course can have you cleaning bedpans in a nursing home in a mere ten weeks!

No comments:

Post a Comment